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Posts Tagged ‘new years eve’

It’s almost the New Year.  As I sit and think about all the other new year eve’s past, I wonder, how could I be sitting in the same place again this year?  I don’t mean financially, that’s ok I suppose, I don’t mean spiritually, that has grown.  I mean in my private family life.  You put this face on, ones that are close, really close, know the truth.  “Everything is fine”, smile, wake up every morning and pull myself together to make a good day.  A day God would be pleased with.  I don’t accomplish that usually, however, I always set out to do so.  When I fall short, which I do, I rise up again and make a go at it again.  I have always been this way. Sure, I have many days that getting out of bed is truely the hardest task.  Yet I always seem to come back around.  It’s not me though, and this I know.  It’s God, it’s Jesus, the Holy Spirit yanking at my heart and encouraging me to keep going.  Sometimes I feel so lost, and he always reminds me that He will always find me.

These last few months have been difficult to say the least and all in all I think I am doing pretty good.  I did ask to walk through everything with His Grace on me.  On one of the days I didn’t get out of bed, the room was very dark despite the fact it was a beautiful sunny day outside.  I had the blinds drawn up about a foot.  As I laid there, trying to talk myself into just a shower, I noticed something, or rather God revealed it to me.  Most of my paintings come that way you see.  There I lay in this room of slate blue tones, and the blinds drawn just enough for the bright sunshine to come through. I could see the winter wore trees, their silhoulettes standing firm in the light.  My mind went to a song I love by Sugerland called I Will Stand Back Up.  There’s this one part that she sings, “and when the darkness tries to get me, there’s a Light that just won’t let me”.  In that He showed me, He won’t let me.  There is a Light that just won’t let me.  I got up, showered and treated myself to another day off.  Only this time, I smiled.  I smiled because He came to me again and reminded me, He is always with me.

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